I am beginning to embrace uncertainty! Wow did I say that? That doesn’t sound like me. Let me look again… Yep, it was me, I said that. I wonder where that has come from? I don’t like uncertainty! I don’t like not knowing what the future holds! I want to be in control! I want to not only know what’s happening next, I want to be a part of shaping what is about to happen. So where does this embracing uncertainty stuff come from?
I think that God has finally convinced me to just let go. (Ok, I know, I can’t let go completely) I have been working on that for a long time, but I think I am beginning to come to the reality that I am never going to be in control of the future, and where I used to think I was in control, in reality it was all just an illusion.
I was so sure that once I was approved by the Board of Ordained Ministry, that I would finally have peace and be able to eliminate at least some of my uncertainty about the future. But once that uncertainty was put aside, I now have 3 or 4 more areas of uncertainty that have popped up to replace that one.
What does my future hold? Where am I going to be? Will the Bishop and the Cabinet move me or will I stay here? Will I have the money to be able to graduate? Will this old car make it another 10,000 miles and get me though graduation and this summer? (Trust me, I can go on for another two pages of uncertainty questions.) I can sometimes drive myself insane wondering about what is going to happen next.
Ok! Ok God! I have the picture. I am not in control! See there I said it! Here, I will say it again, I am not in control, no matter how much I think that I want to be, or how much I delude myself into thinking that I am in control, I am realizing that I simply need to start letting it go. Unfortunately, I find myself becoming more and more like my Mother everyday. If she didn’t have something real to worry about she would go ahead and just make something up.
So, with that realization and understanding, and even though I am being pulled kicking and screaming, I have decided that my only real option is to embrace uncertainty. I will begin today embracing the reality that it is God that is in control and not me and that my job is to simply be faithful and obedient. I’ll let you know how I do with that!
I think that God has finally convinced me to just let go. (Ok, I know, I can’t let go completely) I have been working on that for a long time, but I think I am beginning to come to the reality that I am never going to be in control of the future, and where I used to think I was in control, in reality it was all just an illusion.
I was so sure that once I was approved by the Board of Ordained Ministry, that I would finally have peace and be able to eliminate at least some of my uncertainty about the future. But once that uncertainty was put aside, I now have 3 or 4 more areas of uncertainty that have popped up to replace that one.
What does my future hold? Where am I going to be? Will the Bishop and the Cabinet move me or will I stay here? Will I have the money to be able to graduate? Will this old car make it another 10,000 miles and get me though graduation and this summer? (Trust me, I can go on for another two pages of uncertainty questions.) I can sometimes drive myself insane wondering about what is going to happen next.
Ok! Ok God! I have the picture. I am not in control! See there I said it! Here, I will say it again, I am not in control, no matter how much I think that I want to be, or how much I delude myself into thinking that I am in control, I am realizing that I simply need to start letting it go. Unfortunately, I find myself becoming more and more like my Mother everyday. If she didn’t have something real to worry about she would go ahead and just make something up.
So, with that realization and understanding, and even though I am being pulled kicking and screaming, I have decided that my only real option is to embrace uncertainty. I will begin today embracing the reality that it is God that is in control and not me and that my job is to simply be faithful and obedient. I’ll let you know how I do with that!
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:28-34)
Blessings
Blessings
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